what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
