She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude. I can hear the air.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
