Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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