Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
