i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
