So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
