I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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