Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
