i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
