Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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