He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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