I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
