i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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