I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
