Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize