In the future we'll all be gay
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
