How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
