My hand turned me down
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
