out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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