so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
how does that bad decision feel?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
