He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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