Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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