I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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