i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
