Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
