How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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