he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
