but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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