My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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