he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
