I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
