I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
