So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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