Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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