i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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