I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
