How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
