I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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