She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
