I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You pole danced in your parka.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
