I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize