i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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