My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
