I smell stomach acid.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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