He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
