Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
