I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
