I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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