It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
