I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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