That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I met the friendliest cop last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
