I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
