Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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