I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
