Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
