remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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