I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
