So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wear drunk well.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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