If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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