At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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