Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
