I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
