This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
