they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
