I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
