So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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