i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
