dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize