okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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