My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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