Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
