9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize